Podcast secrets
by Gini
Summary: A very ordinary Haley James and her very personal podcast. Everybody has secrets. Even her. But what kind of secrets? AU later Naley
1. Chapter 1

**Podcast secrets**

**_Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. It's all Marks._**

**_Content: This is going to be a story about a very ordinary Haley James and her very personal podcast. Everybody has secrets. Even her. But what kind of secrets????_**

I can't believe I'm doing this. You have every right to ask what the hell is she stalking about?

Well this podcast. My own podcast.

I can't tell this anyone immediately. It would be so unusual Haley-like. My best friend in the whole world Lucas would… I don't know what he would do or say.

But every change is good in my opinion. He thinks different. In his eyes I'd be this little innocent girl forever.

Do you know the song "Big girls don't cry" by Fergie?

I feel and live this song. And if you want or not I'll sing a few lines for you guys.

_**I hope you know, I hope you know  
That this has nothing to do with you  
It's personal, myself and I  
We've got some straightenin' out to do  
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket  
But I've got to get a move on with my life  
It's time to be a big girl now  
And big girls don't cry  
Don't cry  
Don't cry  
Don't cry  
**_

It's a very personal thing for me to sing. No one knows about it. Neither Lucas nor my family.

My name is Haley James. I'm 17 years old and I like to sing. You could think that's all? A little girl, who wants to be a singer. Ordinary. But there is going to be a big **BUT**. Many people think that trouble seems to be a foreign word for me. But it isn't.

Why? Well stay tuned for all of my "dirty" secrets…

_**  
I must go alone  
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown  
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?**_

_**  
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay**_

_**I hope you know, I hope you know  
That this has nothing to do with you  
It's personal, myself and I  
We've got some straightenin' out to do  
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket  
But I've got to get a move on with my life  
It's time to be a big girl now  
And big girls don't cry  
**_

_**Don't cry  
Don't cry  
Don't cry**_

_**I must go alone  
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown  
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?  
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay**_**  
**

* * *

**PS: I'm looking for a beta reader!!!! please contact me...**

Have a great day. and don't forget reviews make me happy :-)

gini


	2. One girl revolution

**Thanks for the reviews...and her we go...**

Okay, it's me again.You remember me? Yeah, Haley James. And this is my podcast.

Well you know that already hm? You went online to check on my podcast.

So I think I should tell you more about me? Or my day? My thoughts…

Well like I told you before, I'm 17 years old and want to be a singer. This is what you might think. It's one part of who I am. How do I look?

I'm not one of those bimbos with fake boobs and a very, very short mini. I'm not. Most people would tell you that I look like a nice and down to earth girl. Not attractive or even hot for this matter.

I have plain brown, sometimes curly hair and an old granny style. In a crowd of people you would notice me. Never.

I guess this is what people like about me. The sweet little girl. Like a girl next door. Haley.

My family is so different. With six siblings they didn't notice you. You're the youngest. The baby. But what happened if one of your sisters is so unusual to rest of your family?

You want to be invisible.

I have very good grates and I'm a tutor. A smart ass. But that's all I am. To most of the people, my family and my few friends.

Do you know this feeling that you want to chance something? Why don't start with the world? Well… No. To much for me to do.

I heard this song "One Girl Revolution" by Saving Jane.

_**Raise your hand if you don't care  
What those platinum girls wear  
Raise your hand if you're just here  
To have a good time  
**_

Well I raise my hand. I don't care much. These popular kids think they are god's gift to us. But do you want to be a part of their world?

I guess a lot of you will say without hesitation: "Of course I want to be a part of this world."

Let me tell you something. It's not that easy. Well it's easy if you want to sell your soul to the devil. And devil looks like the cheerleader or a jock. And perhaps he is wearing Prada. Who knows?

Lucas would tell me that I know nothing of this world. He is right. On one side. But he doesn't know me that well.

_**Raise your hand if your lipstick  
Doesn't make you a dumb chick  
Raise your hand if the shape of your hips don't compare  
To the shape of your mind  
**_

I know who it feels to be a different person. A person you can't and don't want to be in reality. This is my life.

Strange? Well yeah.

Confusing? Hell yeah!!!

Welcome to my world. The fabulous world of Haley James.

I'm here to start a one girl revolution  
I'm not a barbie doll, shopping mall, silicone substitution  
I thought I told ya, I'm a soldier  
And I ain't leavin' til the battle's over  
One girl revolution.

You know my best friend thinks I'm a pure virgin. Untouched. But am I?

Did I ever drink? Who knows…

Do I fancy this jocks and cheerleaders of my school? Do I want to be a part of this world?

I'm here to start a one girl revolution  
I'm not a perfect ten, paper thin, Hollywood illusion  
I thought I told ya, I'm a soldier  
And I ain't leavin' til the party's over  
One girl revolution.

What are we sellin?  
Our brains or our belly buttons?  
What are you buyin?  
Don't you know that they're lying?  
What are you cryin about, don't just sit there and wait  
While they're selling us out!

You don't even stand a chance  
I'm not taking off my pants

I'm here to start a one girl revolution  
I'm not the Girl Next Door anymore, baby I'm an institution  
I thought I told ya, don't wanna know ya  
Pack your bags baby cause this army's takin' over  
I'm here to start a one girl revolution

_**No thanks I can loosen up my own buttons **_

Stay tuned. And perhaps I'll tell you my little secrets…

* * *

read and tell me what you think. press this little button in the left corner and make me smile :-)

gini


	3. Little Miss Sunshine?

Welcome back. Little Miss Haley sunshine. This is my strange nickname. Where does it come from? Lucas. Omg. Yap him.

Wanna start with my secrets? Well piece by piece. I'm not who I seem to be. Where do I start?

Everything changed 2 years ago. Do you remember that I told you that I feel invisible sometimes?

Two years ago my dearest sister Taylor still lived with us. She and I weren't close. Never.

She thought I hate her. Well I did but not for the reasons she thought. I was jealous. Of her life, style and friends. She has never been this nice and a goody-goody like I.

I envied her. Her perfect hair, body and sense of clothing.

But what the hell? I can do what she cans.

_**Little Miss Mary Sunshine had a bad day  
She says it's overrated, living this way  
She took her hair down, left her sweater on the floor  
She's not a nice girl anymore**_

2 years ago I changed. My style, my personality. I made a dream come true. My dream. I was not a nice girl anymore. One night.

I changed in the dark. No one knew who I am or where I'm from. A new beginning.

I searched something like a party or get together…

And I found it. In my sisters room. At her computer. There was a message for her. An invitation for a party. The party of the year.

I went to the party but never told Taylor.

I deleted the message. This was the chance I always wanted and searched.

Got thing that my family wasn't there for the weekend. No one. I was alone. No Lucas, no Mum or Dad. Or even Taylor.

She says I won't apologize  
Stand up girls, and dry your eyes  
And I'll see you on the other side of good

I did it. I changed for one night. A night that changed my life. I was someone else.

But there should I start?

The outfit. Taylor's closet was like heaven for me. The goody-goody. Short, very short mini skirts. Shirts that showed more cleavage and of my breast.

It was so unusual for me. So I stood there like 30 minutes without knowing what to do. This was new for me.

_**Everybody's favorite girl  
Doesn't fake it anymore  
I'm okay with who I am today  
Everybody's gotta change  
I'm just doing what I can  
Could you love me anyway?**_

When your in high school you know how a bimbo looks like. But I decided against this bimbo image. I'm not blonde or hot. I was this little girl. And tired of being the girl.

After a few minutes I chose a very nice red top that showed a nice amount of cleavage.

And no. I didn't wear a leather skirt. No this was to cliché.

I wore a very mini skirt. A black jeans skirt and nice high heels.

Like the devil. He wears prada.

I changed my hair. Curly very curly. I applied a bit of make up. After an hour I looked in the mirror. Hell yeah. I was stunning.

My eyes stand out thanks to the smoky eyes effect.

Thank you very much. My red full lips looked delicious. Yummy. For the first time in my whole life I felt sexy. I would kiss me right away. But I'm not a boy. Just a little girl. Not tonight.

I painted my fingernails black. Like a rockstar.

And hell I felt like one.

A real person.

But there was one problem. How to get to the party?

It was located at the beach. And I'd have to walk like 15 miles. I couldn't call Luke.

So I went down and thought. Of course a smart girl like I would have thought about it earlier.

My brothers car. The nice red Mustang.

Hot girl and a very hot Haley James. But that night I wasn't Haley James. I was Summer Rogers. Nice name. But I didn't choose it. This said my fake ID.

Yeah big shock. Haley James has a fake ID.

She says I won't apologize  
Stand up girls, and dry your eyes  
And I'll see you on the other side of good

Where we sing Na,Na,Na,Nada,Nada,Na Na,Na,Na,Nada,Nada,Na

So what do you think? Of course I went to the party. Do you want to know more?

Stay tuned…

* * *

at first I want to thank everyone who reviewed and made me happy.a big thanks to all the people who had this story and me to their favourits.thanks guys

So don't forget reviews make me happy...So press the little button in the left corner and write me...:-)


	4. Let's get it started

**disclaimer:I own nothing.It's all Marks... The song "Let's get it started" by BEP**

Well,well well… Here I am this is me. What can I say? Not much I guess.

But what the hell. You know I told you something of my secret. And I didn't continue. Sorry guys. Before I tell you more I just have to tell you a few other things.

As you know I'm a tutor and not very popular in my high school. I'm a nobody with a fake smile. Do you really feel this to? Do you know that you are someone else. Not you. You're not like your family and friends see you? I guess every single teenager knows this feeling. You pretend to be someone. But deep in your soul you're lonely and unhappy. And you want to change this feeling. So bad.

And believe it or not. In my case one night changed it. This unpleasant feeling. And this is my story.

For today I chose 'Let's Get It Started' by the Black eyed peas.

According to the song you run and run. Kind of. And I did it. I run away from the Haley James. I became Summer Rogers within minutes. And gosh it felt so good. Like I told you I took my brother's hot car. I love this car.

I drove to the beach house of someone. I don't know whose house it was.

What the hell? I didn't care. All I wanted was fun. A lot of fun. And believe me I got it.

For nothing. Well…

_**  
In this context, there's no disrespect,  
so, when I bust my rhyme, you break  
your necks.  
We got five minutes for us to disconnect,  
from all intellect collect the rhythm  
effect.  
**_

I parked my car near the beach house. And this was a beach house. OMG. I have never seen a huge house like this in my entire life. Really sad hm?

It was white and all old school. Like in the South. Alabama etc.

Millions of people were there. And one single soul stood in front of this huge mansion's doors. I really didn't know what to do. I mean I have never attend a party like this before. It seemed so unreal. Like a dream…

_**Obstacles are inefficient, follow your  
intuition, free your inner soul and break  
away from tradition.  
Coz when we beat out, girl it's pullin without.  
You wouldn't believe how we wow shit out.  
Burn it till it's burned out.  
Turn it till it's turned out.  
**__**Act**__** up from north, west, east, south.**_

A bunch of people took me inside the house. And I was in heaven. Or I thought so…

Plastic bimbo girls danced in very short pieces of clothing. If you can call this clothes. It nearly covered their boobs and asses. The high high heels were to much for me. I could never think of wearing these shoes.

A well stocked bar was located in the centre of the room. Boys sat there and took shots. It seemed like pure vodka to me.

And I liked it. My best friend would ask me how I'd know vodka. Like I told you I'm not this innocent…

_**Everybody, everybody, let's get into it.  
Get stupid.  
Get it started, get it started, get it started.  
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.  
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.  
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.  
Let's get it started (ha), let's get it started in here.  
Yeah.  
**_

Pairs were going upstairs hand in hand. A few came back with a satisfied smile on their faces.

And you know exactly what they'd done.

A part of me wanted to join them…

I made my rounds and I saw these popular kids. Jocks and cheerleaders. Drinking, making out and dancing.

I felt jealous again. So Summer Roberts went to the bar and ordered a Havana coke. Less coke. The bartender. Get that there was a freeking bartender.

He was my first victim. His name was Steve and we had a lot of fun this night.

_**Lose control, of body and soul.  
Don't move too fast, people, just take it slow.  
Don't get ahead, just jump into it.  
Ya'll hear about it, the Peas'll do it.  
Get stutted, get stupid.  
You'll want me body people will walk you through it.  
Step by step, like you're into new kid.  
Inch by inch with the new solution.  
Transmit hits, with no delusion.  
The feeling's irresistible and that's how we movin'.  
**_

Not what you think. After 3 Havana coke and two martinis I was a bit drunk.

But I took all my confidence, well Summer Rogers confidence and made my way to the dance floor.

I felt boys staring at me- Get that. At the little tutor.

I felt relieve.

Free and powerful.

After a few drinks. In the middle of the dance floor I danced like I was in heaven. With boys and girls. Oh yeah ladys and gentlemen.

My body danced and swayed to the rhythm. I have never been like this before.

To my satisfaction my back met something rather disturbing. Something or should I say someone was grinding into me.

Focus and breath. It was getting hot. So hot.

_**C'mon y'all, lets get woohoo!  
Lets get woohoo! (in here)  
**_

Lets get woohoo!  
Lets get woohoo! (in here)  
Lets get woohoo!  
Lets get woohoo! (in here)  
Lets get woohoo!  
Lets get woohoo! (in here) Ow, ow, ow!  
Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya,  
ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya...

So hot. The person behind me was…

Stay tuned. Mean little me…

* * *

**thank you soooooooo much for the reviews!°!!I love them...Keep them coming and have fun reading!!!**

**In the meantime click the nice button in the left corner and tell me what you think!**

gini


	5. SOS

**A/N: the song S.O.S. by rhianna isn't mine like oth. this chapter contains a little bit smutness.enjoy**

Hi you all!!!

I'm back for good I think. Haley James is back and not Summer Rogers. Well who know?

Everyone who has listened to my podcast knows that I pretend to be someone else. You guys seemed to know me better than my own friends. But no one knows me.

Always people tell me that they adore me. Rubbish. Does anyone know anybody? I don't believe so.

It's like a well played role. Every single person has a part in it. You can't control it- you have to act.

Don't let you be fooled by the "nice" people. It's an act. Believe me. I knew my part and I didn't want to play it anymore.

Raise your hands if you understand me. I'm searching for someone. To help me…

Well I don't think so…

Do you know what happens when someone is able to recognize the real you? Well, I don't know this feeling…

I can play more than one part in this whole life drama. And damn I'm so good. Yeah. You'll see or hear. Whatever you prefer…

_**Lalala lalala la la lala la Ohhh  
You know... I never felt like this before  
Lalala lalala la la lala la Ohhh  
Feels like.. so real**_

So real? What a lie. My whole being is based on a lie.

A very nice and pleasant lie. Perhaps?

I don't know…

Omg I'm getting crazy… On with my secret… You naughty boys and girls. Perhaps someone will recognize me? Well see…

_**  
**__**I'm obsessive when just one thought of you comes up  
I'm aggressive just one thought of closing up  
You got me stressing, incessantly pressing the issue**_

'_To my satisfaction my back met something rather disturbing. Something or should I say someone was grinding into me. _

_Focus and breath. It was getting hot. So hot.'_

I was so exhausted of dancing. Haley would have been. But Summer wasn't. Boy she was satisfied. With herself and this very nice body part. I didn't turn around. Not yet. It was to early for me to face reality or this hottie behind me.

My body got closer to his. Strong hands grabbed me. And I didn't do anything. Well not true. I danced like never before. We danced like in 'Save the last dance'. You may get the idea?

Oh yeah. My ass was so near his hard member. I could feel him. For little Haley it would have been unreal. But for me tonight as Summer, it was heaven.

_**'Cause every moment gone you know I miss you  
I'm the question and you're of course the answer  
Just hold me close boy 'cause I'm your tiny dancer  
You make me shaken up, never mistaken  
But I can't control myself, got me calling out for help  
**_

The music got faster and faster. I lost my soul to this dance. So hot and breathtaking.

We swayed to the music. Our bodies melted and reformed as one. Sweat, spicy cologne mixed with us. Me and Mr. Unknow.

_**S.O.S. please someone help me.  
It's not healthy... for me to feel this way  
Y.O.U. are making this hard,  
I can't take it, see it don't feel right  
S.O.S. please someone help me  
It's not healthy... for me to feel this way  
Y.O.U. are making this hard  
You got me tossin' and turnin' and can't sleep at night  
**_

I turned around and faced him. I took him by this collar and bought me closer to his body.

I saw his eyes. The colour was freakin' amazing. You could drown in it. I was lost. So lost.

His hands cupped my breast. My breath became faster. I couldn't breath.

He massaged me through my shirt. I lost it. My confidence, my soul and my body to his hands. It was like magic. Baby…

_**This time please someone come and rescue me  
'Cause you on my mind it's got me losing it  
I'm lost, you got me lookin' for the rest of me  
Love is testing me but still I'm losing it  
This time please someone come and rescue me  
'Cause you on my mind, it's got me losing it  
I'm lost, you got me looking for the rest of me,  
Got the best of me, so now I'm losing it  
**_

I heard me grown. He took my body to his. Closer. Skin on skin.

He looked me in my eyes. I saw desire and lust. I was so turned on.

No one watched me with such an expression. I felt hot and so real.

His hands left my breasts he worked his way up to my face. Chin, cheeks…

I was lost…

His fingers touched my lips lightly. I wanted to take this finger of my lips… Take it down.

I saw that he smiled at me. Huge turn on. His fingers touched my nose, eyes and hair. His face came so close to mine. I couldn't breath.

_**Just your presence and I second guess my sanity  
Yes it's a lesson, it's unfair, you stole my vanity  
My tummy's up in knots so when I see you I get so hot  
My common sense is out the door, can't seem to find the lock  
Take on me (uh huh) you know inside you feel it right  
**__**[CD version:**__** Take me on I'm put desire up in your arms tonight  
**__**[Video version:**__** Take me on, I could just die up in your arms tonight.  
I'm out with you, you got me head over heels  
Boy you keep me hanging on the way you make me feel  
**_

I could feel his breath on my lips. I closed my eyes. The first kiss for the little Haley. Would it be like in the movies?

I was unable to think. My mind didn't work. Perfect for me.

I get closer to him. Leaned in his touch…

_**S.O.S. please someone help me.  
It's not healthy... for me to feel this way  
Y.O.U. are making (Y.O.U.) this hard,  
You got me tossin' and turnin' and can't sleep at night  
**_

I could feel his lips. His hands. Body, mind and soul.

Almost.

Before I was able to kiss this hot boy I was lost. He was gone. Away. After a minute I realised it. It hit me like a huge stone.

I couldn't think…

_**S.O.S. please somebody help me.  
It's not healthy... for me to feel this way  
Y.O.U. are making this hard (are you making this hard for me, baby?),  
You got me tossin' and turnin' and can't sleep at night  
**_

I turned around to find him. I saw black hair in the bunch of dancing people. I turned around. Tried to find my way to him. He saw me, smirked and went outside.

He was playing with me. I should find him. I knew it…

_**This time please someone come and rescue me (someone rescue me)  
'Cause you on my mind, it's got me losing it  
I'm lost, you got me lookin' for the rest of me  
Love is testing me but still I'm losing it  
This time please someone come and rescue me  
'Cause you on my mind got me losing it ('cause any time)  
I'm lost you, got me looking for the rest of me,  
Got the best of me (best of me), I'm losing it  
**_

I would search him right now. I wasn't that desperate. Or this is what I thought …

_**Lala lala lala lala Ohhh  
Ohh ohh lala lala lala lala  
Oh oh**_

Well. Done. Finished. For today.

Hear you later.

* * *

so this is the next chapter.thanks for all the reviews!!!keep them coming and don't forget to push this little nice button left and tell me what u think!

lots of love gini


	6. I dare you to move

disclaimer:I don't own anything. The song is I dare you to move by Switchfood.

Okay you know. I know you know it. You know him. Confess…

Am I hallucinating? I guess so… Wow.

I know the last podcast was very different. I know. Perhaps you'll understand how I'm feeling.

Alone and desperate. Desperate for more. More of him and his world. I want to be her. Summer Rogers. But not the whole time.

To be popular, skinny and "gorgeous" isn't so easy. This can be a burden. And it's one. Do you know these popular kids? They're smiling, always. It seems like the smile is fake.

It's impossible to smile every damn minute of the day. I'm sick of it.

Do you recognize that nothing is real? Like the colour of the hair and body. Eyes. People always say that eyes are the mirror to someone's soul.

Look a cheerleader or a popular kid in the eyes. Most of them don't have real eyes. I know it's confusing. But when you look your friends in the eyes you see love, emotions, life. And life is missing. They live for parties, friends, dates and their reputation.

Did I miss anything? Oh yeah, sex.

It's like a cliché. But at my school it isn't just a cliché. It's reality.

_**Welcome to the planet**_

_**Welcome to existence**_

_**Everyone's here**_

_**Everyone's here**_

Existence. As Haley James. And not as Summer Rogers. The unknown sexy, feisty girl. But my existence changed. At the night. With the boy. With raven hair and this incredible eyes. Full of desire and lust for me.

_**Everybody's watching you now**_

_**Everybody waits for you now**_

_**What happens next?**_

_**What happens next?**_

What happened next? I went to my latest addition to my friends. Steve, the bartender.

He saw me approaching him. He smiled. Bartenders know everything. Without asking me he gave me a shot of vodka. I looked puzzled at him. He caught my look and smiled even more. The shot of vodka was untouched. My hands were shaking. With excitement and fear of the upcoming events.

I took the shot for my confidence. Summer Roger's confidence.

The liquor burned my throat but it helped.

I smiled at Steve and went outside. In search of him.

_**I dare you to move**_

_**I dare you to move**_

_**I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor**_

_**I dare you to move**_

_**I dare you to move**_

_**Like today never happened**_

_**Today never happened before**_

I strolled down the beach. I met horny teenagers on my way. A few of them made out. This turned me on. I wanted to be one of them. After a few more minutes I couldn't move. Cold waves hit my feet. I couldn't move. I felt like drowning in the sandy beach. There he was. Alone. He looked at the waves, the sky.

I wanted to run. Far away. But I wasn't able.

_**Welcome to the fallout**_

_**Welcome to resistance**_

_**The tension is here**_

_**The tension is here**_

_**Between who you are and who you could be**_

_**Between how it is and how it should be**_

He approached me. I could smell his spicy cologne, again. It was like an unbreakable spell. Magic. Pure magic. I felt my fallout. His eyes were fixed on mine. The tension. I didn't dare to look away. There he was. I could touch his face with my shaking hands. Excitement? Or fear? I didn't know.

He touched my face. My lips, cheeks. With his strong but soft fingers. I melted under his touch.

His mouth was so near. I could feel his breath the second time tonight. I closed my eyes. I could feel him move. His lips. They came closer to mine. He touched my lips lightly with his. I was unable to react. My first kiss.

I wanted to kiss him back. Before I could kiss him, his lips left mine.

I was shocked. The wind destroyed my hair. But I didn't care. His hands took care of this fact.

_**I dare you to move**_

_**I dare you to move**_

_**I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor**_

_**I dare you to move**_

_**I dare you to move**_

_**Like today never happened**_

_**Today never happened**_

_**Maybe redemption has stories to tell**_

_**Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell**_

_**Where can you run to escape from yourself?**_

_**Where you gonna go?**_

_**Where you gonna go?**_

_**Salvation is here**_

I leaned in his body. He turned me around. His delicious lips at my ears.

"I dare you to move!" I was confused. He left again…

Sneaky bastard… Sexy bastard…

_**I dare you to move **_

_**I dare you to move **_

_**I dare you to lift yourself **_

_**Lift yourself up off the floor **_

_**I dare you to move **_

_**I dare you to move **_

_**Like today never happened **_

_**Today never happened **_

_**Today never happened **_

_**Today never happened before**_

Lost… I took a drug. I'm addicted to him. His touch, lips…

* * *

thanks to all of you!!!wow I love your reviews. Sorry for the mistakes. English isn't my mother tongue. So I'm searching for a beta reader.

Press the nice button on the left side and tell aunt gini your opinion. Critic is welcome...

have a great day.

love gini


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